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“Good Luck with That: Canto III” is part of a series of multimedia pieces that focus on gaming (also known as “gambling”) and the artifacts associated with it. Canto III addresses bingo. This piece actually is a puzzle for the interested viewer to solve. A series of anecdotes told by a bingo caller can be assembled. However, the text is organized by bingo number, not by board position. The challenge for the viewer is to find the correct sequence of boxes among the eight boards so that the anecdotes can be read. The boards are arranged to mimic the boxes that surround Free Space. Mixed media (formica table, paper, plastic, vinyl letters). 36” (H) x 48” (W) x 3” (D). $511. Created March 2021. Here are the anecdotes:
You ask who I am well
I am the caller for Pius and Consecrated. That’s two churches, not one called Pius and Consecrated. One is called Pius for the pope, and the other is called Consecrated for Mary and the Heart. Her heart. I am blessed to have a strong and clear voice, and I never make mistakes. Plus I keep things moving and I don’t take guff usually. So I’m in demand. There’s no pay for me, no enumeration. Monetary enumeration. We’re raising money for the churches and diocese. And of course for the lord and his good works. I don’t deal with the money, I just call. That’s my specialty.
If you want to come and play, it’s Tuesday at Pius and Friday at Consecrated. Seven o’clock until the last game is played, usually about two hours if there ain’t no trouble. I mean trouble like with quipment, not like the players are dangerous. You pay for your cards, we give em you, and you blot the numbers I call with this shoe polish kind of thing or whatever. That’s it, just like any other bingo game you can find. Ain’t you ever played bingo before?
Over at Pius this one time, somebody misplaced some of the cash and ooh boy was there heck to pay you might say. Eighty three and change, as I recall. Wasn’t me, not my job. I’m just the caller, like I says, and all I do is call.
I used to have, you know, in the back of my mind a question about doing this in a church, for god’s sake. You know, gambling in the lord’s house. But it ain’t gambling, it’s for fun. I know that and you know that, but sometimes some of them players forget. I gotta take ‘em to the side afterwards, you know, and remind ‘em. Game of chance, for fun. Lord’s house, for god’s sake. Ooh how they can fight, I was first, no I was first, no you wasn’t you cow. Shameful. They keep forgetting that they’re in a church, for god’s sake. Church basement, but still.
I actually never did like the name bingo. Are you kidding me? Don’t make sense. Who puts o at the end of bing? And who on earth even says bing, for god’s sakes? Except for the cherry. Or that crooner guy. Who ever did? Nobody, it’s my belief. They should of picked them another word if they wanted to have o at the end. Something with some dignity to it, for god’s sake. And I ain’t talking about hell-o, hah hah! Hell! And o! Like, I don’t know, I don’t know. Maybe limbo, which already got the o and limbo makes some kind of sense, for god’s sake. For a church game, when you think about it.
One time was a dimple on one ball inside the hopper, and I know it. But I don’t say it as soon as I see it in there, I wait to say it when I always does, when it pops out of the hopper and I call the number. Now you could ask how in the world does that matter it’s gonna be luck of the draw when it comes out. And you’re right. But it’s irregular and I want it regular. I want straight and true. Not a dimple. Now you ask me don’t that look like somebody was trying to pull something. And I say maybe you’re right. But I prefer to think it’s just an irregularity and nobody in a church game would be trying to fix things so they win. And that’s what I believe till you show me that it ain’t.
Once we had a guest Panama gentlemen that somebody arranged to do guest calling. Without telling me by the way, mind you. What a mistake. Kept mixing up his sixes and nines. I don’t even know how you do that to be honest with you. And that was on top of the accent, which I don’t begrudge him. But I did have to rescue him before there was a revolt. It’s penny annie these games, for god’s sake. Calm down.
And there was this time when I had my nephew and a friend of his from school come and play. You know, family. And I told everybody and that was a big mistake. Right off the bat that friend wins the first game which was just a simple X and most everybody thought it was funny. Then she wins again with plus and it wasn’t so funny no more. And then a couple of games go by and then my nephew, he wins. And then there’s nobody laughing now. They’re not laughing. They’re not happy. Old sourpuss Jessup gets up and makes a speech about how the game is only for the regulars. Some are telling her to set herself down and shut it and others are on her side. And then don’t you know that the friend gets a bingo exactly the same second as somebody else. And I give her credit cause there could of been a argument but she said to the other, “No, you were first.” But then sourpuss gets up and makes a big show of gathering up her stuff and walks out. But not before she gives me what I calls the salute. You know, with the saluting finger, the bigger one than the rest. I don’t want to laborate. In a church game, for god’s sake. And I’m sure everybody could see it. Last time I had family play with us, I’ll tell you that. But I think they cleared something like sixteen dollars and something. So there’s that.
Did you ever hear of a bingo night where’s only two people playing? That happened you can believe it. Rain storm that was god’s own wrath. Very sudden. I made it only cause I was already at Pius for some other business that I’m a volunteer. So I just had to get into the basement with my key, no problem. Like an hour before games. I set there by myself thinking nobody gonna show up for this, that’s for sure. I’m listening to the wind and rain and setting up the hopper and getting the cards ready, thinking this is a complete waste of time, then like ten minutes before game time I hear something at the door. Wouldn’t you know it, it’s these sisters that usually goes at each other like cats and dogs. Not rain cats and dogs, fighting cats and dogs. They get in and shake themself dry and hang up their stuff. Then they set down, nice as you please. We played, all games. And I ain’t lying but one of them sisters won every game but one! You could see the other sister fit to burst. She didn’t say nothing, but at the end of the night she refused to go home in the same car with her sister. I had to take her. So I’m her chauffeur, for god’s sake. Lucky me the rain wasn’t so bad. So while I drive I’m listening to her cuss up a blue streak. Never shut up, that one. And then we get her home and she still won’t go in because of her sister. Now she shuts it, for god’s sake. I think we set there no words for fifteen minutes before she moves herself and stirs. Finally I say git out and she gits, but slow like. Bingo folk.
But that’s all I wanna say about bingo. I get enough of it twice a week and you probably had enough too, for god’s sake. Anyways I gotta go so that’s about all you’re gonna
get from me.
